A Dummy's Guide to Making Friends!

Welcome back fellow humans. Writing a blog is such a pain, so you better be reading this! (I do it for the society, it's not something i like)

1) Do you spend a perfect Friday evening going out with friends or reading silly blogs that insult you oftener than you understand (no offence, dear reader)

2) Is the only person to wish you a new year your ISP provider?

3)Do you often meet people who until now believed you had shifted houses a couple of years back

4)Do you sometimes look at the calender and realize that it's already 2013

5)Do you create fake profiles on facebook to like your own display pics( if you do this, then this blog can't help you, please shut down your computer and go jump out your balcony, check you're not on the ground floor though )

Today i let you in a secret, a secret following which you will be the talk of the town, everyone would like to befriend you, your facebook account will overflow with friend requests. Hell, they might even make a movie on you!

So start taking notes, as i read to you 
A DUMMY'S GUIDE TO MAKING FRIENDS!
Remember, this guide has been customized personally for you!


STEP 1- GO OUT!

If you understand the concept of friendship, then you might realize that you need another human being for it (your teddy bear won't do now).

Bugger! isn't it?
No it's not. For a change heft up your lazy ass and go out. because "out" is the place where you will meet the "human beings" i just talked about. Now i know you can't just go out and roam around the streets( leave that to the modern hippies). So the best way out is to enroll yourself into something, anything for that matter. My personal best is tuitions (we discuss it in detail in a later post- how to make your parents pay for you meeting your new girlfriend/boyfriend.)



STEP 2- DON'T BE AN ASS****!
Now i know many people are one and still get away with a number of friends. Sadly, you're not one of them. So if you meet someone new while your venture outside in "STEP 1" then be considerate enough to answer their calls, messages, wall posts, tweets, farmville requests, or whatever social network you waste your time on.
If they don't do any of the above things then go ahead and take the high road by taking the first step.Oh and if you're one of those who go by the motto- "i'm shy around new people, but just wait till you get to know me"- then be ready to withstand ignorance and stick it out. Hopefully your motto is true to you and they'll eventually start to like you. On the other hand if it's not, then buy a frame for the new restraining order you're about to get.



STEP 3- BATMAN IT UP!
Now that you've made it to the other side of the wall, just wear a mask everyday and pretend to be someone else for the rest of your life. This is the most difficult but important part of this guide. This choice is the one that will decide whether you go back to your old self or come out as a new you with loads of friends that will call you on your birthday!
So be whoever you want to be, just not yourself.



STEP 4- SHARE THIS BLOG
Believe it or not but sharing this blog has been scientifically proven to enhance your chances of making friends by upto 3.7 times. I could tell you how, but i know you're intelligent enough to figure that out on your own!
What? i'm not kidding, it's based on chinese feng shui! Now once you're one of the "cool guys/popular girls", you might want to get rid of this blog. No one needs to know how you became so awesome. It's a secret, remember? So destroy any evidence of reading this particular post.



Report back to me on the next post. Happy befriending*.
Until next time!






*Disclaimer-I hope you understand sarcasm, because if you don't then you're in a lot of trouble.