An Engineer's Diary

I didn't want to give an introduction, but you know how all good stories have to start somewhere. So this is I, an average Indian IT male,  introducing you to my blog. It's full of sarcasm, most of the posts don't make sense, the others are bound to offend you. I write, because i needed an outlet. I write, because i have nothing better to do. I write, because i hope people are reading. I write!


It was difficult, deciding the title to this first official post, but I eventually settled on "An Engineer's Diary" (courtesy of a good friend). It has a nice ring to it, because engineers are supposed to have log books, not diaries. Engineers are supposed to be good at maths, not writing. What defines a true engineer? Is it just those tons of one building colleges shared between tons of engineers, none of whom can really create or destroy anything. They call us a crowd, i prefer to think of us as an army. An army of thinkers, an army of dreamers...

Oh come on, i can't keep writing this shit to keep you interested. Everyone knows why you decided to become an engineer? Because you had nowhere else to go. You do belong to a crowd, a crowd of average engineers. I am a product of this crowd, and on the behalf of this crowd i reveal here what being an average engineer is all about.

Over time your average Engineer starts to get accustomed to a no. of things. I call these rituals, if i may. These rituals over time mold into your identity, these rituals start to define you- the average Indian engineer. Today, i bring to light these rituals, in no particular order:

• You know you're an engineer if you have more exams than the no. of days in an year.

Cliche? Ok i'll accept that, but i couldn't move ahead on this path of misery, without first stating the obvious. We have mid-semesters, we have practicals, we have seminars, we have projects, we have assignments, we have externals. You name it, and we have got it. It's like having an STD, you experience the pain and rashes, but you've still got to pretend to enjoy getting screwed. We love boasting about how we finished that 721 pages of syllabus in one night and still had enough time left to watch porn. Dammit! why did i mention porn, i just lost half my audience.

• You know you're an engineer if you have atleast once received a threatening call from a jaat|gujjar for talking to that girl from CSE/IT

Ram: "Hey that new girl seems friendly."

Random Jaat|gujjar: "Prepare to die petty human."

(In case you are wondering what happened next- "Ram calls the college senior he knows from school, fight ends in compromise."

No! not the kind of compromise you are thinking. They shake their swords, i mean hands.)
Oh, by the way Jaat|gujjar's rock. *can't risk a beating*

• You know you're an engineer if you have that one friend in hostel who you only talk to when the detain list is out.

Ram:"Hey man, how are you? How's life?"
Random hostel friend:"You are not on the detain list. Still interested in my life?"

Ram cuts call.

• You know you're an engineer if you commonly criticize people from B.com and then regret not taking up B.com.

You know you do it. You keep assuring yourself that engineering will get you a job, it will broaden your mind and it will prepare you for those one night-ers. But when you are alone in those dark moments you wish you had taken up B.com instead. You hate how their college life is way awesome than yours. How your school friend is in a relationship with a girl, while you are still stuck with you right hand for company.Or how they have Shankar-Eshasan-Loy for star night whilst your fest's highlight is your college's own band.

• You know you're a male engineer if with increasing years your shaving frequency decreases.

(This one is specifically for the men, pertaining to their high ratio in engineering. You've got to please the majority.)
In the very first semester, when you had recently been acquainted to the razor, you would shave everyday, sometimes twice a day. You shaved, and voila you looked like SRK in Kal Ho Na Ho. All the women wanted to be with you, all the men wanted to be like you. Until one day, this illusion was shattered. That girl who you thought noticed your clean shaved face didn't even know your name. Those men you thought were jealous of you, were already way ahead in the social structure. Where did you go wrong? Yes, it was the shaving.
Come second year, you now only shave once a week, just so that the beard remains manageable. You try to deny it, but you are slowly shifting towards the dark side. The girl who didn't know your name recently called you shabby. She now knows that you exist. That's progress, clear progress. You begin to realize the immediate effects of not shaving.

Another year passes. Fresh in third year, you've recently brought yourself a swanky trimmer. You can now fool people that this perfect beard comes naturally to you.You have the perfect instrument, you can now look rough while looking groomed.But why are the jealous guys still getting more attention than you do? Do you need to take this a step further?

The final year is here. You've now given up. You have proclaimed your manhood, and have gone on a strict no shaving regime(except when your mom asks you too). You've now accepted the engineer life as you scratch that beard and pretend to contemplate about the meaning of life and death. 

These were just a couple of odd points from the top of my mind. I know a lot don't make sense, but that's the point. I could write a list, but i'm sure you have got better work to do. If there are some rituals personal to you and your college, go ahead and share them in the comments below.In the mean time I'll keep writing, and i hope you will keep coming back.

Until next time!